Many of us have struggled with pleasing others. This could be parents, bosses, friends or even spouses. This task can be very daunting because God didn’t design us to please people, He designed us to Worship Him. Insecurities, rejection and lack of self-worth can be some of the contributing factors to why we feel the need to please other people. In my case, I people pleased to maintain a peaceful atmosphere in my home.
This may sound cliché but it took several years of counseling, and reading books to understand what mental abuse is. With physical abuse, the evidence is visible because you can see the bruises. With mental and emotional abuse, it is not evident at first, but over the years, it’s extremely recognizable. Depression, self-loathing, and looking down when you talk to someone, are just a few of the signs that come with mental abuse. This toxic behavior can literally leave a person paralyzed in fear as they desperately try to please the abuser for fear of rejection.
For years, I tried to do everything I could to disarm the arrows that were being thrown at me. I smiled, changed the subject, apologized for things that weren’t my fault. I even made excuses for the person’s behavior that allowed me to justify why they were treating me bad. I was falsely accused of things I wasn’t doing and this caused me to live in a world where I couldn’t see how bad it was. It stripped away all my confidence and every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t know who I was.
Strange as this may sound, I was a Christian. I walked with the Lord. I read my bible. Yet this didn’t seem to change my situation. Many good Christians, who love God, go to church and serve God are being abused. This is not God’s fault.
This is something I had to work through for many years. I kept thinking that if God truly loved me, why hadn’t he stopped the abuse? Didn’t he see me? Didn’t he hear my prayers? What was I doing wrong that nothing was changing?
To this day, I still don’t have the answers to all the questions, but I do know that God did hear my prayers, He was working things out for my good and He never left me, even through my abuse.
As I continue to walk out my healing daily, I think about Easter tomorrow. The true meaning of the cross and the resurrection. Jesus was also abused. He was falsely accused of things he said and did that were not true. Yet, He loved us so much, that He did what no one could. He made the ultimate sacrifice of Love.
Although I am not perfected in love, and I still work through the abusive words that were spoken to me for 24 years, I can honestly say that I love myself right where I am. I am not perfect. I am not who people say I am. I am a work in progress.
Remember that where you are, is not a bad thing. It’s just a growth thing. Where people say you should be, is only their opinion not God’s. Keep going, keep pressing forward and don’t despise the day of small beginnings.
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.