Several years ago I was working through the hurt of an abusive marriage that I was in for 24 years. I remember going to church and desperately asking God for a breakthrough. I sang, I cried, I felt gooey all over. Then I went home and BLAH. Nothing seemed different. I wondered that if I had truly experienced Gods presence, why did I still feel all junky inside?
I desperately needed a breakthrough. I was struggling with depression, loneliness, anger and fear.
After a year and a half of going through the motions, I started going to a recovery group called SetFree. I remember my good friend Pastor Paul saying something so profound, that I was totally offended at the very thought that he could actually be right. He said “The move of God is NOT an event, it’s a Change “. I sat there thinking like, what does he mean by event? (Trust me, he wasn’t done.)
He explained that if we came every single week and worshiped, pressed in and felt the breakthrough it wouldn’t be anything if it didn’t change us.
I was sitting in my seat asking myself, well then why am I here? Why do I come if I’m coming for an event? Then the Holy Spirit gently whispered and said, “You come for the event of healing but you leave empty because you didn’t decide to change”; “You want the event more than you want the change”.
Oh man, I sat there and just broke under the power of truth. That was the night that everything shifted for me. Paul’s sister spoke to us that evening and her message was powerful. But it was the Holy Spirit that revealed that I was looking for my change in the event, and not looking for my “events to change”.
So I surrendered and told the Lord, "-I am here to change, I know it’s going to hurt, I know I’m a mess, but I don’t want the event anymore, I want real change!" As soon as I said that, I felt my heart beating out of my chest, when all of a sudden (my daughter Jess and I) got pulled to the front of the alter where the actual “change” began. Notice how I said… began?
So many times when we experience Gods deliverance power (whether its from drugs, anger, pornography, depression or fear) we think its over with. We are also led to believe that we will never deal with that “thing” again. Oh no- my friend, that is a complete lie from the Enemy. That day I did confront my “thing”, however, since the change had just begun, that “thing” wasn’t done with me.
It took another year before I was walking in freedom. I had more boldness, I had joy again and I wasn't depressed anymore. But wait… did that THING come back? Or did it leave because my change was real? To be totally honest, even though I did change, that thing came looking for me again and again. We must remember that when the house is clean, you must guard it with vigilance. Luke 11:24-26
My fight wasn’t over; I learned how to confront it instead of ignoring or running from it like I used to.
Look, God wants us to walk in victory. Jesus already paid the price. However, we also have to do our part and and make a true change and grow.
When we’re first saved, it’s all about the love relationship with Jesus (which is awesome) but then, we realize that we have junk to process and unseen forces to contend with. So we eventually we have to learn to crawl then walk and finally engage in the battle.
So if you are stuck in that place of not finding your breakthrough, don’t lose hope. But ask yourself this very important question. Am I pressing into an event that will give me all the goose bumps and tears, or am I looking for the CHANGE that will bring me true Freedom?
Change isn’t change until its changed~ Edwin Louis Cole
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.