I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we both shard similar stories. The common denominator that kept resounding in my heart was not the fact that we had to start over; but finding our new normal.
Anything that is not your normal routine, can knock you out of whack.
The routine that you once knew, doesn't exist anymore. This can be with anything. The loss of a job or a spouse. Maybe you’ve raised your kids and now you’re trying to figure out what you're supposed to do in this next phase of your life. Maybe your not allowed to see your kids. Maybe you had a major surgery and it has left you dependent on someone for daily help.
Whatever it is, having to find your new normal, can come with struggles.
It’s taken me 4 years, but I have finally found my new normal.
It wasn't easy at first because there were some people that thought I needed to be thinking of all the good things in my life and not focus on the bad that I had just walked though.
Well sorry to disappoint you, but the last time I checked, I was human. And the human part of me had good days, and really, really bad days.
Everyone is different. So is the healing process.
Listen, we don’t want to process. We HAVE TO PROCESS. Period.
If we think we can just stuff everything down and pretend it never happened, OR we run around telling everyone that we're some kind of Super Hero and don't need to process, then we're only deceiving ourselves.
I remember telling people I was ok when I really wasn't. I'd smile, laugh and go places. But inside, I was literally screaming for help. I hated that I had to start over. I hated that I was left to pick up the pieces. And I hated that I was everyone’s verbal punching bag.
I wanted to share this today because I know there are many of you who can relate to finding your new normal.
Sometimes when we lose something, we instinctively feel that we must go out and "replace" what we lost.
But to be honest, we don’t need to replace anything.
Instead, we need to find ourselves again.
You see, when there’s an earthquake, everything gets destroyed. But even in all the rubble, we can find something small and try to rebuild.
I’m gonna be honest. Its not easy. And the reason its not easy is because we have to give ourselves permission to adjust to the new normal.
I’ve heard people say, “If life gives you lemons, then make lemonade”. Well I’m going to have to disagree.
Because what if I don’t even like lemons? Am I supposed to be stuck with drinking lemonade?
I used to think so because that’s what everyone else said I should be doing. But now, I look at it like this; “What if… I throw the lemon… buy an orange and make orange juice?”
In other words, you need to find YOUR new normal. Not what other people say it should be, not what others think, and not what you think you should do to “please others.”
Now please don’t go out and do something stupid. What I’m trying to show you is- you are fearfully and wonderfully made. No one else is created like you. So, stop trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Walk it out. Process. Find yourself again and then take that time to settle in your new normal. You’re not alone or beyond help. There is hope after the storm.
~Broken Beautiful Ministries
It did me for years. I fought it, I ignored it, I changed it, but in the end..... I empowered it.
I know it doesn't make sense. But you can give power to anything you want to. I chose to give power to people. The way they thought about me, the way they pre-judged me or the way they ignored me.
We all want to be validated. So when we don't get it, we allow all the negative words or actions to kill who we were created to be.
We are humans plain and simple. Humans created in the image of God. We were created to love and be loved. Therefore, when we are in situations when we feel we can't please someone, we feel powerless.
We start performing in order to receive their validation, affirmation or acceptance. However, in the process, we lose who "WE" are, in order to keep performing for those around us.
But who's fault is it really? Is it the people who are not validating us, OR are we giving them too much power?
When I was a little girl I remember wanting the love and validation from my father. He was an alcoholic that physically abused my mom. I didn't have a lot of conversations with him but when I did, it was usually about what I was doing wrong. So I grew up desiring to hear what I was doing right.
After I got married, I heard more about what I didn't do rather than what I did do. I couldn't cook good enough. I didn't clean the house good enough. I didn't pay attention to him enough.. etc.
So when I asked who's fault it was, I now realize it was mine.
Now I know those people in my life should have shown me healthy love and validation. But the reality is, when people don't know who "THEY" are, they will always cause you to perform for them.
This is actually control & manipulation.
Let me give you some hope today. If you want your power back, then its time to release the hurt and forgive.
When I heard a sermon about forgiveness, I kept saying to myself, "I want to let it go, but how?" All I kept hearing from the sermon was, "just let it go and poof, it'll be gone."
Well let me be honest, it wasn't a poof for me.
I had to walk out my forgiveness. That meant forgiving daily. Forgiving people for things I never said or did.
But when I finally released them, I gained something back......my freedom.
When I realized that I was never going to please everyone all of the time, it helped me to be human again.... not a puppet.
I now know, I can't make someone love me; heck I can't even make someone like me. But what I can do, is love myself more than holding on to the hurt. That alone is enough to keep pushing forward.
If this is you, l just want to say, I do understand because I was that person.
I recently told someone when we get broken, we're all in pieces.
But when we get those pieces back, ONE BY ONE..... we get our "PEACE" back.
Don't empower what was meant to be released.
~Broken Beautiful Ministries
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.