It did me for years. I fought it, I ignored it, I changed it, but in the end..... I empowered it.
I know it doesn't make sense. But you can give power to anything you want to. I chose to give power to people. The way they thought about me, the way they pre-judged me or the way they ignored me.
We all want to be validated. So when we don't get it, we allow all the negative words or actions to kill who we were created to be.
We are humans plain and simple. Humans created in the image of God. We were created to love and be loved. Therefore, when we are in situations when we feel we can't please someone, we feel powerless.
We start performing in order to receive their validation, affirmation or acceptance. However, in the process, we lose who "WE" are, in order to keep performing for those around us.
But who's fault is it really? Is it the people who are not validating us, OR are we giving them too much power?
When I was a little girl I remember wanting the love and validation from my father. He was an alcoholic that physically abused my mom. I didn't have a lot of conversations with him but when I did, it was usually about what I was doing wrong. So I grew up desiring to hear what I was doing right.
After I got married, I heard more about what I didn't do rather than what I did do. I couldn't cook good enough. I didn't clean the house good enough. I didn't pay attention to him enough.. etc.
So when I asked who's fault it was, I now realize it was mine.
Now I know those people in my life should have shown me healthy love and validation. But the reality is, when people don't know who "THEY" are, they will always cause you to perform for them.
This is actually control & manipulation.
Let me give you some hope today. If you want your power back, then its time to release the hurt and forgive.
When I heard a sermon about forgiveness, I kept saying to myself, "I want to let it go, but how?" All I kept hearing from the sermon was, "just let it go and poof, it'll be gone."
Well let me be honest, it wasn't a poof for me.
I had to walk out my forgiveness. That meant forgiving daily. Forgiving people for things I never said or did.
But when I finally released them, I gained something back......my freedom.
When I realized that I was never going to please everyone all of the time, it helped me to be human again.... not a puppet.
I now know, I can't make someone love me; heck I can't even make someone like me. But what I can do, is love myself more than holding on to the hurt. That alone is enough to keep pushing forward.
If this is you, l just want to say, I do understand because I was that person.
I recently told someone when we get broken, we're all in pieces.
But when we get those pieces back, ONE BY ONE..... we get our "PEACE" back.
Don't empower what was meant to be released.
~Broken Beautiful Ministries
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.