A long time ago I saw a movie where a woman was married and hurt by her husband. She told her friend, “The reason I hurt so deeply is because I loved too hard”.
To some extent that is true, many of us love hard, so when we get hurt, it can knock us on our duff and we don’t wanna get back up.
I was that person.
When I got married, I thought one and done baby, one and done.
It doesn’t always happen that way does it? We have our own ideas of what we wanted our marriages to be like.
Don’t get me wrong, we had good moments and memories that will stay in my heart forever. However, that's not enough to keep a relationship going. It takes a love that is unconditional and grace not to isolate.
None of us are perfect, we are all going to fail each other at one point or another. That’s because we’re human. But if we’re going to have a good marriage now (or if we want to get married in the future) we must learn to love with the right kind of love.
What does that even mean?
Well for me, it was learning to forgive not only my former spouse, but myself.
To love deeply, you first must learn to love gracefully. In today’s world, love says “what you can YOU do for me”?
Love can be a facade and paraded around like a show.
I was that show.
I was displayed like a trophy to the world. But it wasn’t love at all. It was control, lust, anger and manipulation.
My late husband told everyone what a great, beautiful, strong wife I was.
He didn’t tell me.... HE TOLD THE WORLD.
Behind closed doors, it was a different story. I was told everything I was doing wrong, how I could lose more weight, learn to please him more, and the list goes on and on.
You see love was made to look like a big sign that flashed,
“I LOVE MY WIFE”.
When in reality; he was really saying you can’t do anything right, you’re not good enough and you’re not meeting MY expectations.
Let me just say, I know I am not the only “show” that has ever existed. Some of us had to be the show, because that’s what we thought love was.
I’m here to tell you, there is freedom from the show.
Now, it’s not going to happen overnight, and it’ll probably hurt like crazy. But when you can truly see what love is supposed to be like, you’ll walk in freedom.
Love is patient, kind and long suffering. It takes no account of wrong, its not jealous or envious, it doesn’t brag, its not prideful, it's not rude or self-seeking… so hold up…... Love isn’t a show?
Yeah you heard me, love is not a "show" to make it seem to the world that your relationship is perfect. Love is hard work. Love is done “behind the scenes”, love is done when NO ONE IS LOOKING.
Love is not a trophy.
For those who need healing from what you thought love was, trust me, I was right there with you. I would go into isolation because I was used to shutting people out. As a matter of fact, I lived with a bible in one hand and a brick in my other hand. I was always ready to build a wall because no one and I mean NO ONE, would ever hurt me and make a fool outta me like that again.
I didn’t realize by holding on to that brick, I was only keeping myself from receiving the true love that I so desperately needed.
I want to leave you with this.
Sometimes, we will love and get hurt, I mean come on, its inevitable right? This world isn’t perfect, and neither are people. But what I’ve learned within the last 5 years is not everyone is out to get you, not everyone needs to be pushed away, and not everyone is going to parade you like a show.
God will place that remnant to build you up, have your back and lift you up in prayer. Yes, even if it’s behind the scenes, where no one is watching.
And that my friends, is what loving gracefully means. When you do it with the right intentions.
There's nothing wrong with loving hard.
To move forward, you need to forgive them, forgive yourself, and pop tall.
Your healing begins when you tear down that wall of fear.
One brick at a time…
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.