Everyone who knows me, knows how much I love my Rocky movies. Any time there is a marathon on TV, I will not move from the couch until the last Rocky film is over. Now I know you’re probably wondering how I could possibly love such a character if he isn’t even real?
Well, to me, he is. Rocky has always been my inspiration because he represents a lot of us. He represents the hundreds or thousands of people who have been in the ring with a better contender…. and lost. Yeah, Rocky didn’t win the first time, he lost to Apollo. As much as he trained, as much as he psyched himself up, he still lost. But it’s what he did that I fell in love with. He got back in the ring again…… and won!
These last several weeks I was in the ring. Have ya’ll ever been there? Now I know we’re not professional “fighters” but we do have to get into the ring from time to time. We battle many things. For some it’s anger, lust, drugs or porn. For others it’s depression, control or manipulation. Whoever your contender is, you know what its like to have to fight.
Now even though I have gone through many waves of healing, and I’m so thankful to The Lord for that, there was still that thing. That lingering thing that no matter what I did, it would always come back and taunt me. It always showed up at the most inopportune time.
It showed up when I was at a party, with a room full of people. It showed up when I was at a wedding when I was filled with so much happiness. And it showed up after God would show out in my ministry time with someone.
My contender was loneliness.
In a marriage, you would think that two people being together would bring so much joy, happiness and laughter. But because I was in a marriage with so much abuse; loneliness was always lurking around. It may be hard to understand and even harder to explain, but for those who have been there, you know exactly what I mean. Loneliness stems from rejection and because I faced so much rejection as a child, a teen and then in my marriage, I was an easy target for my contender.
No matter how many church services I went to, how much I prayed, fasted, read my bible, fed the homeless and ministered to hurting people……I still was pulled back into the ring to fight this thing.
These last several weeks I was pulled in the ring many times. I kept crying out to God and begging to know WHY hadn’t I gained victory in this area? What was I doing wrong?
I stepped back, closed a lot of people out and got alone with God. This wasn’t an unhealthy isolation. I had my closest friends lift me up in prayer because I was transparent enough to tell them I was really going through something hard.
I literally didn’t leave God’s side. But I did do something that wasn’t good. I entertained the thoughts of the enemy. This thing, this demon, this contender I had been fighting for many years, was allowed in my life because I gave it permission to be there.
When the thoughts would come (and let me tell you they did come) I would sit there and feel like I deserved to be lonely. You see, I had my shot at marriage. It didn’t work out, and if those were the cards that were dealt to me, then I had to suck it up buttercup. I had to face the fact that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.
Now before I go on, please let me say something. When you know someone who is going through loneliness or depression, please do NOT tell them they are not praying enough or believing God enough. Everyone’s journey is different, and we have no place to judge where they’re at.
I listened and believed the thoughts because there was still an area in my heart that hadn’t been healed. After I realized this, I did not leave Gods side. I was like the angel wrestling with Jacob. I was not going to leave here, until HE blessed me. Not bless me with money, a husband or house. But bless me with the healing power of deliverance-that I so desperately needed. I didn’t want to be in the ring with loneliness anymore. I wanted to win once and for all.
So, after weeks of battling, by the grace of God, I walked out of that ring a winner. I woke up one morning with peace; and not fake peace like had gotten sucker punched and I was walking around pretending nothing was wrong. I mean real peace.
The peace that had me saying, “God, if I NEVER get the spouse I’m praying for, the house I would love to own again or finances so I never have to worry about how I am going to pay that bill…….… I WILL STILL SERVE YOU”.
It was then I was able to take off my gloves and sit down to catch my breath.
Yeah, Rocky isn’t a “real” person, but he is a “real example” of the fight we must have in us to never give up. A great man of faith recently preached and used this quote: “Kill the Quit”. When you do that, you’ll keep going.
If you are battling with loneliness today, you are not alone. You are in the same ring as many of us are. I am here to tell you, don’t give up and throw in the towel. There is a God who wants to heal you if you let Him in. He wants to show you that this time when you get back in the ring to fight, you’re not in it alone.
~Broken Beautiful Ministries.
Chrissie Moore is a mother and grandmother from Keller Texas. She is a survivor of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. She has a passion to help other women who are seeking freedom.