Broken Beautiful Heroes

I am so blessed to hear stories about so many courageous women. This next Broken Beautiful Hero knows what its like to walk by faith!
We all have dreams. But does God really care about our dreams? The bible says that if we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of heart!
If God has given you a desire to step out in ministry, start your own business, or go out and make an impact in women's lives, then you need to take some time to read this beautiful testimony of His faithfulness!
Nothing is too BIG or too hard for God.
Thank you Angie, your courage is beautiful!

Our dreams are never too BIG for God.

I never knew my life would change with one word.
One word that God spoke over me. One word, that would not only impact my year, my future, my path and my destiny, but change my life in every way imaginable. Like everyone else, I have always made New Years Resolutions…then never kept them, so for 2018 I asked God to speak a word over my life. He is faithful. He not only gave me my word, but also HE put it to action almost immediately. That word, my word…. was CHANGE.

Change and the unknown has always been a very difficult thing for me. I am a creature of habit. Not being in control and feeling like I have zero stability is quite possibly the scariest thought imaginable for me.
But God always knows the areas where we need the most growth. If we are not uncomfortable from something, we are not growing.
So, you can imagine, how I felt when God spoke this word over me. I was completely terrified, but in the same breath excited for what this might mean for me. I mean how much change could HE really be talking about in the first place?
Well, I’ve learned many things this year and one of them is to NEVER underestimate God and how big his plans are compared to mine.
I’ve been a teacher for the last 16 years of my life. Being a teacher is safe, stable and rewarding to say the least. But, I’ve always longed for something more. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum and as long as I can remember have wanted my own business.
I’ve dreamed about it, I’ve talked about it, my husband even encouraged it, I’ve fantasied about how great it would be, but I just never thought it could become a reality, until it did. I mean holy cow did it become a huge reality and fast! I’ll never forget the day I decided to take the biggest leap of faith of my life. The day I decided to trust God with every bit of me. My son and I were having a conversation in our kitchen and it went something like this:
“Mom, what do you want to do for your future?”
“Well, Gabe if I had my way about it, I would quit my job and open my own clothing boutique!”
“Why don’t you?”
“I don’t know, why don’t I?”

In that moment, God sparked something inside of me and the momentum just took off! With the love, encouragement and support of my husband and family, Luxe Lilies was born!

You might be thinking, “Oh well that’s cool. People start new businesses all the time! What’s so scary about that?” What was so terrifying, is that it would require me to change everything I’ve known my entire life.

I knew it would be a full-time business. That meant I would need to quit the only job I’ve known, go down to one income (my husbands and we had way too many bills to live off of one), and step out in the uncertainty of putting myself out in a world I knew nothing about.   I mean I love clothes; I loved the idea, and through my seasons I have developed a heart for women to help them know how truly beautiful they are just the way God created them. But, I had absolutely no idea on where to even begin!

I’ve always been one that when I jump in I jump in feet first. But, for the first time in my life I truly surrendered my control to God and put my life in his hands.

The next thing I know, one ball rolled after the other. First came the name, then the decision to start online, next all the technicalities of being able to sell clothes, the website, the plans the preparation, and finally put in my resignation of the only career I’ve ever known.
There was still one piece missing. I had made all of these plans, but I knew when I decided to purchase clothes for the first time there absolutely was no turning back.
At this point in our lives my husband had been working and was paid hourly (sometimes working 70-80-hour weeks to provide).
We had a conversation about how much he needed to work and make just so we could make ends meet. It was one Saturday in May, I decided, “Okay Lord, here I am there is NO turning back now!” I put in my first order. When my husband returned to work that following week, he was given an unexpected promotion!
Not only was he given a promotion, but a salary and that monthly amount is exactly what we needed to live. Part of our plan was to pull out my retirement, pay off all of our debt and live with only what he earned.
God knew exactly what we needed, and he put it all into place perfectly.    I left my teaching career in June and I launched Luxe Lilies online in July.
As I’m writing this, she has existed for only 5 months! Not only did He bless me with a fabulous start, but HE also decided to bless me with an unexpected curve ball.
Online is great, Facebook is great, but I needed to get in front of women. I needed a way not only for them to touch and feel my clothing, but a way for God to use my business as a ministry. I wasn’t sure what that was going to look like (and I’m still not 100% certain) but HE is!

I needed a way to share my love of God with women that struggle with whom they are and the way they see themselves. I have a heart for women. I have a heart for abused women. I want every woman on the planet to know how much God loves them.
So, God gave me another change. He provided a way for me to be mobile.   My little online boutique became Luxe Lilies Mobile Boutique! He provided a 24-foot trailer, with two dressing rooms, hard wood floors, ceilings, an amazing wrap that shares my hearts desire and motto, “Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful.”

Now, I can take my store anywhere and I get to meet amazing women all the time.

All of this started with one word, a leap of faith and action.

I just want to encourage you today that if you have something God has planted in your heart, just walk. Trust in HIS plan because HE will never fail you. I promise you, our dreams are never too BIG for God. Let HIM take that thing that scares you the most and refine it in you.
Owning a mobile boutique was never part of MY plan. But where God is concerned his BIG picture is much greater than anything I could ever imagine. Take that step. Have faith and just wait to see the way God blesses that faithfulness!

“For I know the plans for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I love to hear stories about forgiveness, restoration and strength. Today's story is no exception. I have the privilege of sharing my next Broken Beautiful Hero who happens to be my precious daughter-in-love.
She has truly been a huge blessing in my own life because she has always shown me kindness, love and respect. Most of all she never judged me as I walked out my own healing; many times right in front of her.
We all have flaws, but its the love that looks past the flaws that truly represents Jesus.
Thank you Meli, your courage is beautiful.

Love with no strings attached

Every girl or young woman wants the affection and acceptance from their mom. As a little girl my mom would take me everywhere. She talked to me and listened to me.

In high school, everything changed. She was so focused on herself and my dad and grabbing his attention, that she forgot to give true attention to my brothers and me. She is a great mom and woman. However, this part of my testimony is to show that while it is important to give your husband attention, it’s also crucial to give your children attention as well.

I am not a mom yet, but I will be soon. But what I have come to understand is the hurt from not having the listening ears from my mom, affected me as a young woman.

She was physically present but not really there for me. I still have the vivid memory of prom dress shopping with my dad instead of my mom. I still remember not shopping with her or talking about boys or my activities with her, or anything a girl desires to do with their mom... I thought what’s the point of me sharing life experiences with her when she did not show she really cared about what was going on.

There were deep wounds and resentment that I ignored and let fester for years. I tried to pretend the wounds weren’t there at first because I thought if I fake it enough, I’ll truly care about her. But there was too much anger in the way at that time.

God is the one that softened my heart and gave me compassion, forgiveness, and genuine love for my mom. The best advice I’ll always remember came from my mentor (when I was in high school). She explained that we are not fighting against flesh and blood but principalities and powers.

She explained that I should pray to see my mom through the eyes of Jesus. I had to walk out the process of forgiveness because it did not happen from one day to the next.

I did not truly confront the unforgiveness I had towards my mom until I was 21. I constantly asked God to help me love her like He loves her.

When I was in college, my mom’s behavior got worse and she would forget a lot of things, especially when it involved my brothers. That hurt me because anyone who knows me, knows my little brothers are like my babies and I’ve been like a second mom to them.

My mom moved to Argentina in March of 2015. To be honest it was a little sad but at the same time it was a relief to me. I was so exhausted of seeing my parents constantly argue. Plus seeing my mom not being able to take good care of my brothers left a huge wound in my heart.

I needed that distance and healing and so did she.

I started to feel that there was something mentally going on with her, but she refused to go to the doctors here in the United States.
Soon after she moved to Argentina, she went with her mom to get checked by the doctors and that’s when we found out she has schizophrenia.

So many things started to make more sense and it helped me to understand her behavior and love her where she is at.

I got saved when I was 17 and it’s been a process of growing especially in the area of forgiveness. People tell me I forgive too much and too quickly. But God has truly helped me by giving me grace and compassion.

I am reminded of how much my Father has forgiven me and who am I not to forgive others. I have never to this day received an apology from my mom, but I have forgiven her.

I’ve been calling her every day for the past almost 4 years. At first it was more out of obligation because I felt it was the right thing to do as a daughter and as a Christian.

But over time, God began to work in me and helped me get to the root of unforgiveness and I was able to let the bitterness go. Now I call her out of love, not out of obligation.

She tells me every day how my calls are emotionally and spiritually helping her. It gives me so much joy and purpose. I am so thankful that we can now talk longer about life situations.

Is she perfect or am I perfect? No. But I am human. There are still days where I get frustrated when she doesn’t seem to understand our conversation or answers me with something completely different from what we are talking about. But that’s when the Grace kicks in.

The deep love and bond between a mother and daughter are powerful and I will not allow the enemy to break it. I love my mom with all her flaws and she loves me with all my flaws.

I remind her daily of how I love her and how beautiful she is and how much God cares for her. I’ve learned and come to trust that God cares for her and loves her more than I ever could, and He is her protector, her Healer, and He is working all things together for her good and His glory.

God has also brought great mother figures in my life who have taught me and continually teach me what a mom is and I’m forever grateful for their love and advice.

He is awesome and knows just what we need and when we need it. If you and your mom are not close or your mom hasn’t been there for you, just remember that there is freedom, peace, and joy in forgiveness!

Hero stories are so powerful because they give us the courage to keep going, to keep fighting and never give up hope.
I was originally going to share one Broken Beautiful Hero story per month, but the testimonies that God has been sending are so powerful that I have to keep sharing!
Today's Hero is also my hero.
She never knew it because she never thought of herself that way. She is my best friend, my sounding board and one of the very few people that can speak into my life with love, correction and honesty-while still allowing me to be human.
This Broken Beautiful Hero is my sister and I have the honor of sharing her story of how God changed her life.
Thank you Cyndee, your courage is Beautiful!

Stronger through the Struggle

  My name is Cyndee and I grew up in a dysfunctional home.   I was physically and emotionally abused by my father. As a result, I was never a social person and I had very low self-esteem. I learned to keep my head down and my mouth shut because of insecurity.   I handled problems on my own because I lived in fear of rejection and disappointing others. I tried to be perfect in everything I did and handle things on my own as best I could, but anxiety and depression controlled my life.

Five years ago, my marriage and family were falling apart. My son had been introduced to a drug called Spice and he was uncontrollable. We had tried everything, but nothing was working, and the constant fighting was pulling my family apart.

One anxious night, I was tossing and turning in bed, I got up, went down stairs and I cried uncontrollably. I felt like this train wreck was impossible to fix on my own.

The more I tried, the worse it got. I was so desperate for change. I thought, “God, if you’re there, please, please show me what to do. I don’t know how to pray, I don’t know how to change. I don’t know how to help my son. I don’t know how to fix my marriage, I don’t even know if You would hear me".

I cried myself to sleep that night hoping that something would somehow change. The next day, my mom and stepdad George saw my desperation. They not only prayed for me, but they showed me how to pray.

They showed me that all I had to do was talk to God like I had just talked to them about my own needs. There were no magic words or rituals. Mom said, “Just take a deep breath and start talking.” So, I did.

I verbalized every thought I had the night before. I cried and learned to finally let go.

I surrendered to God.

Soon after, the Lord led me to DTC church. I heard the alter call and committed my life to Christ on my 1st visit. He began answering my prayers by lighting a fire in my heart and placing in me a thirst for His word.

He put good people in my path to point me to Jesus for my answers. I learned to forgive my Dad, so I could be forgiven. I learned I was never alone. Christ had been with me the whole journey. He showed me how special I was to Him.

The more I praised him, the more I felt His presence in our lives. The day I saw my son, who was once lost, defeated, and addicted; give his life to Jesus, was the day my prayer was answered.

One year after he was saved, he was free from Spice addiction. My marriage has been restored and is now thriving.

It got stronger through the struggle.

And finally, I believe I have been changed from the inside out. The voice that used to tell me condemning, hateful words is now being drowned out by Gods voice telling me who He says I am.

God says we are worthy, we are precious, we are his masterpiece, we are HIS daughters, we are more than a conqueror, we are not alone, we are healed, we are restored, we are dearly loved and we are enough.

This gift is not given by anything we did, but it’s by His grace, mercy, and sacrifice on the cross at Calvary.

He knows you inside and out, He CHOSE YOU to hear his voice.

And He WILL transform you and your situation for His glory.

Mathew 17:20 says “if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to that mountain to move, and it will move.”

What ever you do, don’t give up! Keep breathing, keep walking, and know your God is with you always, “even unto the end of the age. “

Hey everyone!
I am so blessed and humbled to be introducing our next Broken Beautiful Hero.
This beautiful young woman is very near and dear to my heart because I saw God heal her right before my very eyes.
This testimony has been in the works for quite some time. I pray that it will bring healing and hope to many women around the world.
Thank you Jess, your courage is Beautiful!

Worship Him Through the STORM

4-5 times a day for 9 months straight. There were so many counts against him he’d be in prison for the rest of his life.

I never thought the man I trusted, would soon become the man I resented. He became the man who sexually abused me.
This man was my father.

I didn’t know how to take it all in, mostly because I was too young to understand what was really happening to me. He told me it was “our game” and that’s how fathers and daughters played. I couldn’t understand why I always felt so dirty.

I always looked at myself and felt so disgusted and ashamed. I was afraid to say anything because he would make my life hell and to a young girl, mental torment was hell. When I finally had the courage to tell my mom, she confronted him and even though he lied at first, he finally admitted to what he did.

The sexual abuse stopped but the verbal, emotional and mental abuse got worse. He wanted everyone to believe that it was me who wanted all of this. And that’s what abusers do, they blame the victim.

I started believing it was my fault. Tons of thoughts raced through my head “maybe if I wasn’t a girl this wouldn’t have happened to me, maybe if I was stronger I could have stopped it, maybe if I would have told someone right away it wouldn’t have continued so long”.

I didn’t know how to process that my birth father (the man who had his blood flowing through my veins), sexually abused me. I felt like a zombie, my emotions were numb. The man who was supposed to protect me, took away my innocence and purity from me.

A year after the abuse stopped, we escaped our house and he committed suicide a few weeks after we fled. He realized that he would be going to prison for a very long time. The last thing my father ever said to me was “You wanted all of this to happen to you.” I never got the sincere apology, I didn’t get his repentance; I got blamed for his choices. I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. This left me with shame and self-hatred. It also made me feel like I hated men.
How was I ever going to be the same girl I was before all this happened to me?

I was searching and searching for love. The love I was supposed to have received from my father. But instead, I thought I found it in a guy.

He swept me off my feet, he said all the nice things, he and his family were pillars in the church and he said he loved God.
I was finally starting to believe that since I didn’t have my father’s love, maybe I could find it in a guy who made me believe he loved me.

Sooner or later the conversation about sex came up, and I was so vulnerable and wanted love so bad that I let him do it against my will. I was afraid to lose him, and I didn’t want to lose someone who actually “loved me”. I had just lost my father, and even though he hurt me, I still wanted to be loved.

This guy told me we were going to get married; so, it’s okay if we have sex now. He told me how much he loved me, and this is how he was going to show me love.
Since I was never really healed from the abuse from my father, I trusted this guy because he said all the right things.

But little did I know.

My virginity.

The purest thing I could ever give to my husband; the only thing my father didn’t take from me, was taken from me in a church service.

During worship. In a woman’s baptismal. I hated worship.

He said we didn’t have to wait till we were married but he told me he loved me. He loved me but left me there alone when he was finished with me, to clean myself up. He loved me but didn’t care that I was in pain.
But he loved me, right?

All I ever knew was love that was dirty. I didn’t want to continue this, but I was told that since we were getting married, it was ok.

For the next several months, I was pulled into different rooms at the church, when no one was around. I was left with marks on my arms because I would try to pull away from him. If I refused to go, he would make me feel like I didn’t love him. I was numb again. I was back in the same place I was with my father…I was voiceless-AGAIN.

People thought I was the bad one. You see, I came into the church wanting help. My father had just committed suicide, I was scared, I was lost, and I had no idea what true love was. People made it seem like he was the perfect guy and I was going to mess his life up.
No one ever stopped to think that he was the one who took advantage of me. He manipulated me, told me lies and made me feel guilty when I would say NO.
No fifteen-year-old girl should be going through this but I’m the one with the problems, right?


I didn’t know what real love was supposed to look like. I felt like everything in my life was my fault and I felt hopeless, mad, lost and confused.

Is this the love I deserve?    Will I ever find pure love?

Years later I became pregnant with my son Liam. I am days away from giving birth but decided to go to a retreat with a group called Embrace Grace. (Embrace Grace is a group that helps young women with unplanned pregnancies. They showed me I still had worth in Christ.).

The guest speaker starts to talk to us about the book of Job. If you haven’t heard the story of Job, he lost everything in his life he loved, but he continued to praise God in his pain.
She goes on to tell us that we all need to practice being more like Job, to love God no matter what.

This really touched me because I was so angry for being pregnant. I was having very bad labor pains. They were so bad, that I literally started to build hate and regret towards my son. (It wasn’t his fault I was in this situation, but the devil knew how to torment me).

Moments later, the guest speaker decided she wants to play a worship song. The name of the song was called (What a beautiful name it is, by Hillsong Worship).

Did I mention I HATED worship? I didn’t want to worship ever again.

But for some reason that night I felt like I was supposed to get on my knees and just worship God. Praise Him through this storm huh?
My labor pains were getting stronger and stronger and I had to leave the retreat. Throughout the night, I would wake up and my mouth would be singing, “What a beautiful name it is”

It was so weird to me because I didn’t worship, so waking up singing this song was very different.

I had Liam with no complications. I was told that breastfeeding was the healthiest for him. Seeing him made me feel so happy, but I was so scared to breastfeed him. You see, the last person who had been on my breast was my father when he sexually abused me. So, having a boy, and now having to nurse him, was making me feel like I couldn’t breathe.

No girl should ever have to fear breastfeeding because of that reason, it’s terrible really. But I had strong women praying for me.

My mommy told me something that just stuck with me.
She said “Jess I believe that the moment Liam latches on, you will be healed because you nursing Liam is how God ordained it to be. This was healthy not tainted”

And the moment that Liam latched on to my breast…. God healed me, and I didn’t feel hate towards my father anymore. This very moment God allowed me to feel the purity that I had once lost and all the sexual abuse I suffered from him no longer had me bound.

Fast forward to 3 days after Liam is born. I had this urgency to go church. I’m scurrying around and trying to get myself ready. Technically I shouldn’t even be at church, but I knew I needed to go. I had to get myself ready and Liam ready. This was the first time I had to get another human ready to go somewhere so we were like 30 mins late.

I knew we had missed worship and I was so bummed because for the first time, in a long time, I really wanted to worship.
As I was holding Liam, with my diaper bag and being really sore from giving birth, I opened the doors and to my surprise I heard the worship team start one last song.

Do you want to know what song they played? Do you want to even take a guess?

“What a beautiful name it is” was playing.

The moment I heard the song I couldn’t stop crying. I was holding Liam and knew that God healed me.
He healed me from what people thought about me. He gave me a love for worship again. I no longer hated the guy who took my virginity during a worship service anymore. I knew that God was working behind the scenes the entire time.

The devil wants to steal our love to worship God because it is one of the strongest weapons we have against him. God healed that area of my life and now there is no stopping me.   I will worship God all the days of my life.

Yes, people may say Liam shouldn’t have been here because I wasn’t married. I know there were whispers about me. I even know that many people thought that I was bound to have a teen pregnancy because of the sexual abuse I went through.

But God had other plans!

He used Liam to heal me from the things I had gone through as a young girl with my father and I am forever grateful. God used an innocent soul to heal me, to restore my innocence and show me what pure love is supposed to look like.

I believe there is a reason for everything.

God sees your heart and He sees everything going on in your life. But the moment I started trusting HIM and believing that He could heal me, make me pure, and give me back my innocence, is the moment it all came back.  Piece by piece.

My life now is so full of joy. Motherhood isn’t easy, but I love worshiping God on the daily. I’ve got a beautiful son and a man who truly loves me. We have vowed to stay pure until our wedding day. Some say it doesn’t make sense to take a vow of purity after we’ve already had a son together.

But to be honest, I no longer care what people think. I care about what God did for me.

God showed me what the love of a father truly was. Pure love. Unconditional Love. God had to heal me because I did not want to remain the victim of my circumstances.

I now know that love can be pure, and a man CAN wait for you. You are worth every minute of the wait. So, don’t settle, and find healing for yourself first.

Beautifully Broken

That’s the prayer I would pray everyday after my stepfather violated me. I was withering away & I was dying inside. I was full of shame & hated myself.
I believed that I was the reason that he chose to touch me in a way that I had never wanted.
I was told that Satan had him & he was going through a rough time. So that’s why he decided to sexually abuse someone he once called, daughter. I was told to forget about it & move on for he’s just a man.
I was full of rage & completely broken for someone told me to just move on.

But I couldn’t just move on for I could hardly breathe. I couldn’t just forget about it for I could hardly sleep because of it.
However, I could & I was going to survive.

I can’t give you a recipe to overcoming that you can bake & eat up. However, I can share my story to give you hope. Hope, that just like me, you can also survive.
I had a choice, I could stay stuck in my abuser’s home or I could take my mustard seed of faith & get out of bed & do something. Even if it absolutely would cost me everything.

I chose to lose it all to chase truth & freedom. I remember crying & crying but I felt free.
Free from lies, torment, & free my abuser.
I was able to overcome by praying, forgiving, & choosing to want more than laying in bed depressed everyday.

I chose to get up.

Almost two years later, I still have my bad days. I still deal with anxiety & depression but I choose to see what Jesus has given me rather than what was stripped from me.

There’s something about being beautifully broken. Once you overcome & take on day by day you catch yourself walking a little different.
You start talking a little different. You start smiling. Even though people may look at you funny you start seeing things differently.
You hear people’s brokenness & you share with them how Jesus brought beauty to your brokenness. All so that one day they can look in the mirror & see that their pain will have purpose.

I’m a sexual abuse survivor & I'm beautifully broken.

I’m now surrounded by endless love & support. I have witnessed Jesus covering me in His grace.

I chose to overcome & GIRLLL so can you.