A couple of weeks ago I attended a night of worship. I love worship because it’s a huge weapon against the enemy. My morning worship in my car is my time with the Lord.  I dive right in and I can hardly wait to get into Gods presence.
As I jumped in one morning, the Lord told me that He wanted to show me something.
I was still driving but it felt like I was standing right there with him.
Many of you know that I share openly about the abuse I suffered in my marriage. I do this to help women see the effects of abuse and what it does. I have been healed (in waves) over the last 5 years and its been beautiful. Now I know God heals instantaneously for many, but for me, it was a process I had to work out.
As the Lord took my hand, He put me in middle of a big field. I looked around and it was very big, it was even kind of scary. He looked straight into my eyes and said, “Do not move from here, I will be right back for you;  everything will be OK.”  As I looked around I saw black wolves, fierce lions, snakes and many other animals starting to surround me. I was afraid, I was very afraid. I kept looking at them and I knew they wanted to kill me.
 I was immediately back in the place of my previous years of abuse.
He took me back there, but why? 
I could hear growling sounds coming from the animals, they tried to attack me several times, but I just stood there. The Lord was nowhere to be found. Then again, He was in front of me and said, “Chrissie, I don’t want you to move, stay right here, I will be right back.”
So, I asked him "Where are you going Lord?”
He said;  “I must go get Chris.” (Chris was my late husband and it felt as if I was back in time.)   I raised my voice and said; “Wait, you’re leaving me here, in all this… for Chris?” Why? How?  What are you doing?" 
He answered “I must go get him Chrissie;  I always leave the 99 for the ONE.” Matt 18:12

I stood there crying as He walked away. Tons of emotions flooded me. My mind was racing… How could He leave ME (the victim) and go get him the (abuser) why? Why would he leave me here to fight these things alone, knowing they want to kill me?
The noises got louder, the sky got darker and there I was… just standing. I didn’t quote scripture, I didn’t command the animals to flee, I didn’t worship, I didn’t do anything… I just stood there.
Then after what seemed like forever, He came back. Immediately as He walked towards me all the wolves left, the lions ran, and snakes disappeared. The noises stopped, it was finally quiet. I could feel peace come over me like a warm blanket. I burst into tears because to be honest, I was so scared.  
He looked at me and said again; “I will always go after the ONE Chrissie, ALWAYS”.

I dropped to my knees and it hit me. It was an overwhelming love that I have never felt before. It was bigger than anything I could ever comprehend. Then He began to mend my wounds.
As I looked at my body it was all scratched up.  I saw what seemed like hundreds of bruises. I was bloody and scared. I was covered in what seemed like feces and dirt.
Still….. the Lord kept mending me, wiping off all the junk. How did I not see this before? I didn’t even know I was covered in these.
I kept crying but this time not from fear but from a place of thankfulness.  
The Lord began taking special care of me, just like a mother would her child. He didn’t say anything, He just began to cover my wounds one by one.
Finally, it was too much for me, I had to ask Him, I needed to know. I asked “Lord, you left me here in ALL this and you chased after Chris?”
He smiled at me and said “Yes, but its OK now and I am going to heal you.”

Again, His love poured over me and it hit me…. it hit me hard.
 It wasn’t like the Lord explained it to me, but I just knew in my heart what he was saying:
“ You see the abuser was also once the victim, and I had to go after him. I also love the abuser. I died for the abuser just like I died for the victim.”

For the first time in 7 years, I knew what it was like to have compassion on an abuser.
Please don’t get me wrong I didn’t hate them, I just couldn’t grasp how Jesus, My Jesus could love a man who sexually abused me, who mentally emotionally, verbally, physiologically and physically abused me and my daughter and that’s not including how he did my boys.
Yet he left me….. to run after him?
It felt like I was crying from the deepest part of my heart and after getting my composer I was able to mutter this out:  “Lord, I cannot even began to fathom how great your love is. I don't understand it, but I know now, that it is not my place to judge the abuser, because you died for them just like you died for me.”
I shared this very intimate  story today because maybe you have someone who abused you think you could never forgive them.
Trust me, I understand your pain.
But I no longer see the abuser as the monster,  I see them as a person who was also abused and hurt.  Yet Jesus, because He loves us so much, wants us ALL to come to Him…even the abuser which could mean, the molester, rapist, the murderer.
He sure did leave me, but he also ran in pursuit after my late husband.
He loved him too.
I am now free from pain, that was once buried in my heart.
The other part I want to tell you, is- I stood.
I thought I only stood because of fear. But the Lord showed me that it wasn’t fear that kept me standing, it was HIS WORD that was already in me.
Ephesians 6:13-14 says it best..
Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. STAND!

The lord knew what He was doing and me… well, I just kept standing. I stood and stood and stood.
If you are here today and feel like you’ve been standing but nothing is happening, that is not true. You are standing and that is a BIG deal. When we keep standing on Gods word, it doesn’t always come out the way we think it will.
Let the Lord keep working.
If you are here today and you need to forgive the monster that was in your life, just remember, as much as they hurt you, they are not the real enemy and Jesus will still make sure to go after them because He loves them more than you or I could ever truly grasp.
Maybe you have a son, daughter or even a spouse that you’ve been standing in the gap for and it seems like nothing is happening. 
I’m here to tell you that my Jesus, always… and I mean always leaves the 99 for the ONE.
He’s not done, and neither are you….one healing wave at a time.
 
~Broken Beautiful Ministries 

Some of the best opportunities in life involve risk.
For many risk is a scary word. This could mean encountering Rejection, facing Insecurity, experiencing Setbacks or even using Kleenex (ok gimme a break, I needed a “K” word) 
 
What if we never took a risk? What would “Never “look like? Never writing that love letter, never moving to another city, never drawing out that business plan, or never taking that first step to receive healing in an area of your life that no one knows about.
Would you have met the love of your life, owned your own company, met friends who are now called family, or get delivered from old wounds?
 
Yet many times Risk involves.... well.... risk.
You never want to live with “I wished I had tried”
 
Now just so you know, you are not the “Lone” risk taker. We’re actually in pretty good company in this department.
The 12 disciples risked their lives by following Jesus, Rahab hid the spies, Ruth followed Naomi and Moses was a wanted man, yet he went back to his hometown to liberate Gods people!
 
Our life itself is a risk because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. (James 4:14)
 
For so many years I lived in fear, that even the mere thought of taking a risk caused me to shrink back.
Now please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying sell all your possessions and move to Africa. 
You must always pray, seek God and surround yourself with wise counsel (Prov 11:14)
 
What I am saying is don’t let fear rob you of taking that risk that could actually change your life forever and for the better!
 
So, if you’re wondering if you should go back to school, start your own business, step out for healing or even yes, follow that prospect of love; how will you ever know unless you try?
 
Risk doesn’t always end in failure, but it does take courage.
And courage is something I CAN live with.
 
2Tim 1:7
Joshua 1:3-9
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
 
~Broken Beautiful
 
 
Rejection
Insecurity
Setback
Kleenex 😉



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